Everyone experiences some degree of trauma in their life. There are an infinite number of ways that we can be disappointed, frustrated, or have our hearts broken. Pain is part of the human experience, and no one escapes it. Pain is universal. That's the bad news. The good news is that even if you feel shattered, it doesn't mean you're broken.
I love the concept of Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery fixing it with gold, silver, or platinum. Sometimes people refer to Kintsugi as the "art of precious scars." This concept can be motivating and transformational when we believe that we, like pottery, when pieced back together from whatever we've suffered can emerge on the other side stronger, more unique, and more beautiful as we wear our battle scars like glittering medals. I believe that this is entirely possible, if we keep fighting for the lives we want and the dreams we have for the world. One thing often associated with trauma is post traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. PTSD can have varying signs and symptoms, and you don't have to have all of the symptoms for it to count. Some of the most common symptoms of PTSD are vivid flashbacks (feeling like the trauma is happening right now), intrusive thoughts or images, nightmares, anxiety, addictive behaviors (like substance abuse or eating disorders), and physical sensations like pain, sweating, nausea, trembling, and sleep disturbances.
Trauma is different from other memories because the sights, sounds, smells, and feelings associated with it aren’t catalogued like normal memories are. The experiences are so overwhelming, that these disjointed pieces of our experience sit on the desktop of our mind, waiting to be integrated or filed into ourselves. The more we ignore these things, the more insistent they become (thinking that maybe we didn’t notice them). Some PTSD will require professional help to resolve, but for most of us with less disruptive effects of trauma or milder symptoms of PTSD, a few very simple things that we will discuss will help us reclaim ourselves.
From childhood trauma to soldiers returning from war, PTSD is an extremely common problem in our society. PTSD is said to affect millions of Americans every year, and that approximately one in 11 people will be diagnosed with PTSD in their lifetime. These are bleak statistics. Does it mean we're screwed if bad things happen to us?
Lucky for us, it doesn't mean that. We're not doomed to be screwed up in the future because of a screwed up present or past. In fact, there is a less talked about phenomenon associated with trauma called post traumatic growth. Post traumatic growth is the silver lining of hardship. Post traumatic growth is the positive growth or development seen in various areas of people's lives following trauma. This acceleration of growth and development is sometimes attributed to positive psychological changes that happen as an individual rises to a higher level of functioning in response to adversity and challenges.
Examples of post traumatic growth include when individuals emerge from hardship and find greater meaning and purpose in their lives, when they find clarity regarding priorities by understanding what is truly important to them, when people experience a heightened degree of empathy and understanding for others, and when people find a greater ability for serenity because they've learned not to sweat the small stuff.
Trauma is hard. It can be emotionally, mentally, and physically devastating, but it doesn’t have to be. There are very specific and simple steps that we can take to both endure trauma well and emerge intact. The same methods used to get through trauma are the ones that help heal after the fact. These steps are:
1. Learn how to be Calm and Focused.
Many of us pride ourselves on our ability to multi-task and to be busy. Don’t mistake busyness with achievement or happiness. We need to cultivate the reverse skill of being still and being present in the moment body and mind. We have to learn how to relax. Just as the emotions that we feel can affect us physically (butterflies in your stomach, your gut twisted in knots, tensing up your neck and shoulders, rapidly beating heart, etc), the things that we do physically can affect our emotions. This is especially true for breathing, which is both in and out of our conscious control. When we focus on regulating and slowing our breathing, we are sending messages to our body that we are calm. We are safe. We are not in danger. This carefully cultivated state of calm allows us to influence our feelings and our bodies at chemical and neurological levels. Recommended activities for learning how to be calm and focused include meditation, prayer, yoga, thai chi, or creative pursuits.2. Learn how to Maintain Calm.
Once we learn how to be calm, we have to learn how to maintain our calm despite stresses and triggers. Life will throw lots of things at us, and we need to know how to stay calm despite setbacks (or truly awful things) that might happen. When we experience stress, our brains and bodies revert to fight or flight mode. We literally devolve a little by responding to perceived threats with our midbrain or brainstem in emotional or reflexive ways.Although this might be helpful in an actual life or death situation, most of us are stressing out because of worry for an imagined future, not because of an actual imminent threat. We have to do things to restore rational thought in our minds. A lot of trauma experts call this “getting your frontal lobes back online.” Stressing about the future is only helpful to the extent that it changes your actions today. If you can take action today to put you in a better position for tomorrow, then you should do it. However, if you’re disrupting your zen just because of uncertainty, then you need to stop. Life was uncertain before whatever disrupted your calm happened, you just are finally recognizing that.
Maintaining calm in the face of stress is a critical life skill. We can work on keeping our frontal lobes online by doing tasks that require the frontal lobes like creative expression (art, writing, poetry, etc), problem solving, or learning language. Personality is also a concept that’s housed in the frontal lobes, so expressing yourself in creative ways or reminding yourself of the things you like can be helpful as well. Tasks or activities that cultivate awareness of body or environment are also useful. These types of activities (again like yoga, thai chi, meditation, etc) allow you to be present and recognize when you’re tensing up or stressing out and consciously work to relax. Being aware of the changes in your body allows you greater control over your feelings and your physical reactions to stress.
3. Find ways to Enjoy Now and Engage with Others.
When circumstances are outside of your control, as they often are in life, you need to be able to find ways to engage and enjoy the present even though it may not be ideal. This means you need to do activities that you enjoy. Find ways to appreciate beauty or movement. Find ways to laugh, even if your humor gets a little dark. Find ways to engage with others. I know it’s not in person, and again, I know it’s not ideal. However, we still have the option of interacting with like-minded people on social media. We can still call, text, or video chat with friends and family. Because we’re social animals, being part of a tribe is how we feel safe and secure. Find or create your tribe. Support one another. Participate in fitness challenges. Attend online book clubs. If you’re single, date. Participate with the world through social media. If this is all too superficial for you, then focus on having a few meaningful and fulfilling relationships instead of empty “likes.” Engaging in ritual and rhythm (activities like singing and dance), especially as part of a community, can also be helpful.4. Learn how to Be Honest With Yourself.
When we are faced with traumatic or threatening situations, we behave in predictable ways. These ways include calling for help, submitting, fighting, fleeing, or freezing. These survival methods can be great ways to help us cope in the moment of danger, but they tend to be detrimental coping methods long term. The fragmenting of self leads us to have parts of ourselves that have competing desires and competing methods of coping. This theory of a self of parts can explain why post trauma individuals often struggle with addictive behaviors (drug abuse, obesity, anorexia) or mental health struggles (depression, overwhelm, anxiety).To learn more about how these behaviors and reactions can be logical results of poor coping methods, I recommend reading Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors or The Body Keeps the Score. We must be introspective and know ourselves and recognize what we are doing to cope and choose whether or not those behaviors and reactions are benefiting us. This concept of being honest with ourselves is kind of complicated, because in trauma our regular healthy compartmentalization is exacerbated and we become more internally fragmented and less self aware. The solution to this is self awareness. We can see what we are doing and understand why we’re doing it. Helpful ways to implement this self honesty might be to meditate, talk to others, or journal.
Recommended Reading: Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors, The Body Keeps the Score
Thank you so much for sharing this. It is very informative.
ReplyDelete